Isn't it "funny" how many times we need to go back and relearn lessons God has taught us in the past? "Funny" is a word for it. Sometimes it's discouraging and hard. I mean, we want to think we have progressed past lessons "learned". Like diets for example. We all know what kinds of food are good for us. Eat the rainbow. Drink water. Eat moderately. Exercise daily. But there we are, kicking ourselves after we have had too many "cheat meals/days," wallowing in our poor choices and relearning lessons. We are learning to wait on the Lord. We are learning that He will accomplish what He has set out for us to do despite our failings. THIS IS HARD.
Here are the events that lead us to a place of complete dependance upon the Lord:
Recently we learned that two amazing families that serve on the mission field are leaving on new endeavors back to the U.S. Now in the Calvary Chapel circle, us missionaries are pretty tight. We can talk to one another, share similar struggles, frustrations, joys and accomplishments. It's hard when one of our own leaves. It makes us reassess our time here. We hurt. Sometimes we question.
As the news of our friends leaving sunk in, we were hit with week after week of varying sicknesses. We had the flu, common cold, Silas got Pneumoneia, has a horrible cough, my allergies started in full force, Jonathan had been so sick he went to see the Tropical medicine doctor to get more testing done. He had so many "critters" in his stomach we started calling him the human aquarium. Praise God he got medicine to take care of the "critters in the aquarium" however his gut isn't fully healed. Jonathan and I were hit with something else that was causing severe stomach cramping two days ago and although I have recovered, he hasn't. We are on two months of sickness. As we speak poor Benny has got a horrible barking cough. Jonathan is so wiped out it is a struggle for him to do simple things.
Our car has broken down several times this last month and we can't seem to get it fixed.
We praise God for the construction being done for the expansion of the house but the concrete dust and horrible dry winds we've had have only prolonged our sicknesses.
Can I be real for a sec? It's hard when things start to snowball. You know what I mean? We can start to feel guilty that we aren't doing enough. I mean how is this going to sound in a newsletter, "Thanks for your support, we've all been flat on our backs for close to two months!" Although that is not exactly true, the feeling of guilt is there.
The lesson we are learning is to cling to God and He will accomplish His purposes in us and the work He has called us to even when we are laying flat on our backs from sheer exhaustion. Please understand we are not writing to complain, but writing so our brothers and sisters in Jesus can rise up and do battle with us. On our knees.
So I ask you to pray with us. We don't necessarily want to be delivered from the fire although it would be nice but we want to come forth as gold. We want the Lord to burn away every selfish and sinful piece of us so we can be refined for His use. I want to have peace for that resounding mommy guilt that tells me I'm not doing enough. Peace that God will carry us through this and that our children will see and we will see the hand of our Lord. He has never let us down and He won't now.
